That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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