My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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