its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
