I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
