FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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