We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
