dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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