The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize