Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
