you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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