Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
