Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
