If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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