I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
