Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
