would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
