Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
