Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
