she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
