i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
