I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
