What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Pooping to opera.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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