you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
