It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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