I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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