this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
