Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
