ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
