remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
