he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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