Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
