Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
