I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
