the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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