Non-Jews are for practice
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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