4 words: hood of his car
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
