Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
