So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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