im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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