this just has baby written all over it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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