when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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