he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
