worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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