I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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