i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
