Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
