walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
