Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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