u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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