So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
