when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Even my vagina gasped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
