I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize