I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
