So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
