yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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