and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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