I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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