Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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