It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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