I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
