Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
