I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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