I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
