He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
