Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
