I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
