bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
