4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
