we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
